Tentative toe dipping…

Testing out the waters…

It has been an intention of mine for quite some time to actually get some of my musings out into the world wide web, especially since becoming a mother earlier this year. I’ve been somewhat hesitant to do so until now so am tentatively testing out the waters.

Why exactly do I want to do this?

– To get myself to actually sit down and write (bypassing my perfectionistic side that would postpone any writing until the day that I somehow deem it wholly articulate, witty and informative)

– To concretise and summarise (thereby clarifying) my own learning as a mother and chart this path through my own inner and outer explorations

– To inspire others to clarify their own beliefs, values and intentions as parents, using their own internal wisdom as their guide

– To share parenting reflections that are free of judgement – mine and others’, of ourselves and of others

– And to honestly share my own tribulations, uncertainties and worries, successes and joy, in the hope that this helps others feel less alone in this challenging journey known as parenthood

Why a “manifesto”?

Manifesto comes from the Latin manifestum, which means clear or conspicuous.  The definition, according to numerous sources (and echoed in my current tagline), is a declaration of one’s beliefs, opinions, motives, and intentions. Manifestos are meant to clarify and inspire. As my journey into motherhood deepens, I have wanted to record my own approach to mothering – both for myself and for others. But sitting down and writing it all out at once, while my just-shy-of-eight-months-old infant is napping, is overwhelmingly daunting. As if I’ve got it all figured it already! (some do though and I’ve recently come across an inspiring manifesto here)

So my manifesto is a work in progress, just as is my role as a mother. It’s imperfect, ever-growing, sometimes rambling, sometimes tangential, but always seeking to become clearer.

I strongly believe that my path as a mother is part of my own evolution through practice and learning. And that my son is here to teach me just as much as I’m here to help him learn. Since before his conception, I knew that accepting the role of mother meant that I would be holding space for another’s journey through his life and that it’s not up to me to decide what he is here to learn or how. I knew that he would enter the world with his own wisdom and I intended to respect and learn from it. From the time he was born, I have been very focused on ensuring I provide my baby with the love and security he needs to feel safe and grounded in this world, so that his path will be easier and that he will be better able to listen to his own truth.

And I’m equally focused on listening to my own as well.

Over these past 8ish months, there has been undeniable healing for me as constant care of an infant triggers my own unresolved issues from infancy (coded implicitly, they say, as opposed to the explicit memory that we develop later in our toddlerhood). As I’m sure as any mother knows there is also a steep learning curve to being a mother and I’ve found myself often turning outside myself for guidance (with almost a constant stream of library books coming into the house over the past year). Having lost my own mother almost 13 years ago, I often feel full of uncertainty. From what I’ve been reading though, this feeling is common. Although I’m beginning to take all that I’m reading (by so-called experts and parents) with a couple more grains of salt. And to continually check in with myself: does this ring true to me?

I don’t believe that there is one right way to parent; there are as many right ways as there are parents and children. And so my manifesto is just mine. It’s what works best for me and my son in our journeys together through this life. It’s what works best in this moment; there is nothing written in stone (a blog post is as concrete as it gets around here). It’s constantly evolving, as are we.

Tonight as I softly sang to my son, curled up next to him as he fell asleep, I lightly touched on an understanding of the perfection of it all; that it all is exactly as it needs to be. Easier to connect to in beautiful peaceful moments such as this and something even more important for me to remember in more challenging times.

Moments of perfection